Experimenting in Coaching, As In Life

When we do our work in coaching, we acknowledge that we are multi-dimensional beings with many layers of our personality:  beliefs, dreams, self-protection, and vulnerabilities.  Some of these layers are in our awareness, but most of the work to be done in coaching lies beneath the surface.

We are all so unique that solutions are not one size fits all or even some.  We may have common challenges on the surface, like communication, self-expression, and leadership skills, but how we come to these challenges is a unique kind of scaffolding. However, what we all seem to have in common are our patterns.

Patterns often lie outside of our awareness.  We may not see these patterns, or they may explained and rationalized away.  But when an individual is willing to accept that the coach may be observing something that speaks to their challenge or goal and they are eager to take personal responsibility, real change can begin.

The primary approach I use in my life and coaching is experimentation to help deconstruct patterns.  “What if you change/tweak this?”  “What would happen if you did this instead of that?”

I also experiment with tensions.  “What if you could listen just a bit longer before jumping in?”  “What if you could jump in sooner and see what happens?”

I experiment with metaphors.  “If your communication pattern were a dance, what would it be?”  “How does this work/not work for you?”  “What kind of dance would you like to learn now?”

And then we become observers.  What happened?  How was this similar or different from the past?  What can I learn from this experiment?  “What can I do to make practice this behavior until it becomes a new habit?”

However, experiments are complex for many people.  A few causes I see this is that (1) we fear being vulnerable, (2) organizations (and families) are so “expert” and “rules” oriented, and (3) we judge ourselves against the rules and “expert brand” rather than against a set of personal values. 

To begin grounding in a personal value system, I often suggest a values exercise by the Institute on Character.  They offer a free survey across 24-character strengths.  We look at the survey report from the perspectives of our character strengths at the report’s top, middle, and bottom.

Now, when observing ourselves during experiments, we can also ask, “How do these results of my experiment align with my character strengths?”

Want to learn more about experimenting for change and anchoring self-assessment to your value system? Click here to schedule a discovery call with Terri.